On Jan 4, 2021, my daughter and I traveled to Nigeria for a boarding school experiment. At that time, it felt worthwhile. But retrospectively, it was not a good fit for our household. The timing was off.
I didn’t enjoy my boarding school experience, so the decision to try out boarding school was not my idea. Ex-husband wanted it for the girls; I did not. However, our daughter started harboring the fantasy of a boarding experience after she spoke to her cousin. When she became interested, she asked me to reconsider. I was scared, but I know and live the value of an immersive cultural experience. One that connects you to your root solidifies your identity and expands your network. Nigerians are highly mobile, and a significant benefit of having my formative schooling years there is an expansive global network. I have friends in every continent, almost every major city. So, it sounded and looked good in theory.
She had to take and pass entrance exams to get in. Then she had interviews with the school administrators before offers were made. After weighing factors across our offers, we settled for Abuja’s Chrisland School. A few families in the Raleigh Durham area were also making similar decisions for their children.
At some point, I’ll wonder whether the emotional stress accompanying this decision was worth it. We wanted her to try it for 2 – 3 years, but closer to her departure, I could only see no farther than a year—just enough time for her to make friends and appreciate her roots.
While wondering about her level of preparedness, I pondered on this questions:1) How would she respond to peer pressure and bullying? 2) Could she nuance the American culture of the teacher-student dynamics? 3) Why does she even have to? 4) And how does this contradict everything she’s been taught?
I wanted her to always feel connected to us. And hoped that as she’s now 100 percent responsible for her daily choices, she would pull from her mental repository. So, I began to explore ways to leave her with a permissible keepsake that will keep her connected and where she could source answers or find comfort in now that she’s all alone!
Her keepsake was a collection of personal letters written to Haara by some family and friends. These were important persons in her life. People she loved and respected. I collated all letters and printed them alongside one of our favorite pictures of her as the cover. My letter was the first one.
The printed keepsake wasn’t ready before she had to leave for school. However, the night before drop-off, I shared the individual letters with her. It was then that the reality of her new adventure hit her. We cried and talked about the letters, considering which situations would apply to each letter. At one point that night, I was ready to pull the plug and fly home with my baby; but she wanted to go through with it.
Anyway, she’s home now and has been for a while. We only managed to live our boarding school experience for three months. The school was okay, and I recommend it, but we wanted to be together. Once the semester ended, she was on the next available flight home,
Haara told me that the book gave her solace, reassurance, and hope on tough days and nights. When she faced peer pressure, someone’s line popped up in her memory and was an effective check. On sleepless nights, she found comfort in holding onto this book. It still serves the same purpose and now has some ‘free riders.’ Her sisters read the letters and would reference them in different situations. This keepsake will always remind us of this experience for our whole family, mainly her. And it will always be with her. When it’s time for them to go to college, I plan to collect new letters for each daughter.
As the year rolls by, I know families are planning to send their kids to school or have already. Having a physical ‘toolbox’ is excellent once they spend time outside the home. Ask a handful of people in your child’s life to write short letters. It doesn’t have to be printed like ours, but ensure it is collated and secure. This reference keepsake can also be valuable to children who go to school from home. You can also identify themes/topics/issues relatable among teens and young adults, have them assigned to each person as a basis for their’ letter. The letters must come from someone your child loves, trusts and respects.
What keepsakes, if any, do you send your children back to school with? If you don’t have any and are interested, feel free to copy ours or even improve on it. When you do, please share with us if you don’t mind.
The queens and I wish you a healthy, fulfilling, and content 2022.
